Ep. 133: Weapons of Mass Deception: Adam Jones Unmasks the Pressures Facing Modern Leaders

Struggling with hidden emotions

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Leaders are not responsible for the results. Leaders are responsible for the people who are responsible for the results. Simon Sinek, second quote for you where you are is not who you are. My guess in this episode of Passing the Torch equips military leaders and veterans to break free from silent struggles and build resilient, high-performing cultures. Author of Weapons of Mass Deception, founder of Kingdom Operatives, and team member of Precision Components alongside Nick Lavery, and Florida's newest bad boy, Passing the Torch with Adam Jones, starts now. First and foremost, welcome to the show and thanks for joining me, Adam.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Hey, what's up, Martin? I'm pumped, man. And I'm I'm honored to be a bad boy of Florida.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

I'm excited for this conversation just because, man, I you and I have had so many great conversations on the phone. This is an episode that is a year in the over a year, I think, in the making. Like I said, you and I have had some great in-depth conversations on the phone, and you know, we've been trying to make this happen for a long time now. So it's it's it's cool. Um, and yeah, you're now officially Florida's newest bad boy.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

So there you go, dude. Yes. And like I think it helps now that this is all I do, right? Is running my company, Kingdom Operatives, speaking and sharing a message um of freedom to so many people. So now, man, let's get the podcasting going. Um, and I'm just so happy we can finally be together, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Yeah, for sure, man. Um, definitely, man. I just, you know, one of my new favorite friends that this is this is still a new friendship, man, but it's it's it's blossoming. Uh, I like to start off each podcast by asking, why is life great right now?

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Oh man, why is life great right now? Uh, because I'm I'm living a dream that's greater than anything I could have ever dreamed. Um, I'm I'm home with my girls. Uh, my wife and I are uh united and on the same page after just celebrating our 12th year wedding anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Thanks, man. Yeah, and that's a huge victory. Um and uh between that and then getting to live here in Sarasota, Florida, and go to the beach and uh uh travel together as a family for Kingdom Operatives and for our work. I I can't, I don't know, man. Like I'm I'm on uh top of the peak right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

And I'm familiar with your journey because, like I said, you and I have had, I've seen you speak. I've that's actually what started this. I just felt compelled the first time I saw you speak, and you know, we've been connected ever since. Something, and I have read your book, and I appreciate the personalized copy that you gave to me in Atlanta um last year, but something that uh you talked about all the great things that are that are going on. What are the dangers of hidden smiles?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I do show this picture when I whenever I run our workshops. Um, it's called Mission Ready Mastery, and I run this workshop and I show a picture of here's Adam getting out of the military, and I'm all like, and then here's Adam two months out of the military, and they still smile. And I ask people, like, do you notice a difference? And people sometimes they catch it. Other times I'm surprised to see an entire group that doesn't catch it. It just depends. But overall, that was a fake smile. Deep within I was angry, empty, and you know, unfortunately, even suicidal. Um, and I it's a hard one for me to say that because it wasn't anything like overly like planning that. It was more of I would get so upset, so angry at myself for messing up the basics of life and you know, thinking I was hurting my wife and my daughter and that they'd be better off without me, that I'd get behind the car, smash the gas on my own, right? I'd be all by myself and approach the curve of a road, you know, thinking, hey man, maybe if I don't take my foot off the gas, you know, this time, right? And maybe people will be better off without me. And that that's that hidden smile. Or um, I think to what you're saying, right? I call it the mask of masculinity. I've heard that said um by um Lewis Howes, he calls it that. And it's fake. You can always fake a smile, but you have to look deep into the eyes and listen to the words. And I think that's where you catch those signs of someone who's struggling.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Yeah. What is a weapon of mass deception?

Understanding weapons of mass deception

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Um, there's a technical definition for it, but to me, a weapon of mass deception is the silent struggle that starts within and spreads and hurts others through us. So what ends up happening is um we can get to a point of life where we think we are the problem. This is the power of identity, right? So if I'm a protector, if I'm a warrior, if I'm a defender, deep within my subconscious, I could believe that if I'm not protecting those I love, maybe the best way I can protect them is to leave them, right? That's not true, right? Your thoughts are not all your thoughts. Every thought you think is not yours. And a weapon of mass deception, I believe, is deep within like our belief systems, our mindsets, the way we've been formed in life to not only hurt us, but hurt those we love. And I think this really only works for people if you believe in good and evil, right? And if you believe that evil would want to take out good in any way that it can. And you believe like almost in a spirit, right, and of it that that spreads throughout the world, right, of um doubt, insecurity, um, fear, right? If you believe in that, then I would think it makes sense when we look at the course of 14 years from Iraq to Afghanistan war, and you see that there was just under 7,000 service members who were killed in action. But in the same 14 years, we had over 73,000 service members and veterans who took their own lives. So if you just look at my hands here, like we're talking about this level of a disparity. Evil wants to take out those who are willing to stand for good, right? Wants to take out those who are willing to sacrifice themselves so that others will gain. And I just call all of that a weapon of mass deception. It starts in the heart, spreads into the home, and continues into your headquarters, into your workplace. Um, and it will use good motives against you. Your motive to serve, to make a better world, to sacrifice yourself. But what happens when you lose those closest to you because you've been so focused just on that, and you start to lose yourself as well.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

How much of this goes back to your childhood? Because I read uh I don't know if it was in your book or listening to you speak, but you talked about that you had the pressure uh you felt like you had pressure performance at five years old. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Yeah, five maybe it was an exaggeration, or maybe not. I mean, I look at my daughter at seven and I see her, you know, wanting to get certain things right all the time, and you know, maybe getting frustrated with herself because of how it might feel, um, how it might look to others, right? Like, oh, I want to get it right, I don't want anyone to, you know, um to uh be let down by me. And maybe, maybe it's five, maybe it's seven, but somewhere early on in someone's life, I think you can start to see already this this way of operating. And for me, I just knew I had older parents, so this will probably answer your question. Um, my brother's 18 18 years and 16 years, my sister's 16 years older than me. Okay. So uh brother and sister, both older, which means my parents are older. So I remember just noticing that very early on, like, man, I'm the you know, I'm kind of like their start over here, same, same parents

Early life influences and lessons

SPEAKER_00 7:24

and everything. And I just wanted their life to be easier because of me. Um, I didn't want to make things harder for my parents who are already older and had a little bit less energy and stuff like that. Between that and sports and martial arts and all these different things, um, I think there are what we call fields of formation which form us to teach us ways of seeing the world, um, what to expect from the world, right? So maybe it's if you work really hard, you'll be successful. Someone might have formed you to believe that, but then you work really hard and you're like, how come I'm not successful? Well, you know, we have to look at other pieces too, right? That's not the only thing. So, anyways, um, I do believe a lot of this starts early on and um can can compound. And there's a lot of different things that can form you. The military can form you, uh, sports, school, friends, family, you name it.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

So, what would you say to someone who's feeling the pressure or struggling with the pressure of performance?

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Well, the first thing is you got to really detect if that is the thing, right? So I bet you you would you would notice that because of what we call the key indicators, and this is in the book, um, but some of the indicators of the pressure performance would be it's an acronym that spells faster. So frustrated, anxious, stressed, tense, exhausted, and run down. All right. If those things are pretty chronic to you, like they're consistent, and you've really just constantly feel stressed out or on edge, like tense, um, it's possible that the root cause could be what I call the pressure of performance. Now, I don't have like, you know, a mental health background or anything. I just lived it and I realized the importance of language. If you can't speak about it, you can't defeat it. You know, if you can't speak about it, you can't share it to others. If you can't speak about it, you can't build the right culture that doesn't have it present. Okay. So anyway, so we got to clearly identify if what I just said, someone goes, yeah, I have those things. Okay, it's probably the pressure of performance. So why does it matter so much that we get clear on that it's that? It's because now you can go and you can say, hey, this isn't me. This is what's been happening to me. And now through me, that's the weapons of mass deception part, it's a mass deception. It spreads from the heart into the home, into the headquarters. Um, we call those the the um we call that the path of the weapon. So recognize that if this is someone right now who's struggling with depressure performance, um, I would just, you know, want you to think like, how is that making other people feel? That you're always tense, that you're always stressed out, that you're you're constantly run down. Are you really giving them your best? And what's driving you to feel this way? I know for me, I just felt like I was always missing something. I felt like I needed more, I needed more, I needed to learn more, more podcasts, more more um studying, more books, you know, more business. I'm in the army, but I'm also a business owner at the same time. That's how it was for me in the past. Um, I just needed to fill up that schedule. That's what I believed. And you know what that was doing? That was diluting the power in my presence. I was no longer as powerful in the way I was showing up because I was so spread out.

SPEAKER_01 10:46

Yeah, that's I was just actually reading something this morning about the negativity of whole household culture where certain people within the we'll say the podcast and YouTube space where uh they're very prominent, everyone knows um a certain person, and they've been revered for uh basically their whole platform has been working 16 hours a day and just grinding it out, but then there's that's not feasible. Like it's just you're you're gonna ruin relationships, you're going to r uh ruin your internal health, and um you do a great job of just articulating thoughts, man. It's uh everything, yeah. I love that you just talked about the putting it into language and just just recognizing those things or just uh seeking more. Hey, you mentioned something earlier I want to go back to about uh just just driving. You've shared this before, but do you mind discussing hitting the gas pedal hard and driving on backcountry roads near uh your in-law's house?

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um and articulating thoughts is like the one thing I'm good at, you know. So I just think you're good at a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

And you know, I mean, I just stay in that lane. And you have a uh you have a very common, well, and uh a last and a first and last name that's uh well known. So you're great at baseball, you're great at playing cornerback in the NFL. Uh your wife is a Marvel superhero or something. So uh dude.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah, so it's uh I was so surprised when I found that out. I was like, wait a minute. Yeah, you're a superhero, you know, that's gonna get everything done. Um no, that's cool, man. So the I, you know, I never planned on struggling, which is why I never planned on writing this book. Like whenever I speak to an organization, like we were with Wounded Warrior Project Headquarters last week, and I was meeting with like vice presidents and directors of major teams out there, and they're like, all right, well, you know, tell me a little bit about what you do and why

Discussing personal struggles and growth

SPEAKER_00 12:42

you do it. And I mean, I start the same way every time because this isn't a pitch. You know, this is a problem. This is this is real, what we're about to talk about. And for me, I'm like, look, a lot of what I do is built off of this book, right? At least my organization, Kingdom Operatives, that's that's really where we operate. And I said, um, I never plan on writing this book. I never plan on talking about struggling because I never planned on struggling. Yeah, I was the person who fought really, really hard in life for everything. I was the first one in my immediate family to go to college. Uh now I did have, you know, out of my extended family, I had other people who did, and I had officers in my family, a lot of military. But I remember just being like, you know, I'm going to like I some people who are even maybe who's listening right now, right? It's like, you know, you're meant for greatness. You know you're meant for something big. And that's how I always felt like I'm going to do something big with my life. And what happens when you get everything you've ever wanted? So you get married, you have a kid, you became a Blackhawk pilot, um, you became a company commander, you know, you did all of those things, and there's there's way more things to get you to these points, and you're like, how come I'm not happy? Like, what's wrong with me? That's what that's what starts to happen is you think, what's wrong with me? To where I have everything and yet I feel like I'm nothing. I'm getting paid more than ever before, but I feel less valuable. And that's what started to happen to me. And it happens once you get everything. Let's let's just pick a couple people, right? And everyone has their everything. Like, what is your everything? What is the thing you think is missing that if you only had that, then you could be happy, or then you'd be successful, or then you would be free. Dude, I learned how to live life free. And it didn't start until I had to

Feeling unfulfilled despite success

SPEAKER_00 14:36

face what you're what you're talking about right now, which is you have your everything, you feel like something's still missing, and you think, you're looking in the mirror and you're going, What's wrong with you? How come you're not grateful? How is this not enough for you? Then at the same time, your wife starts to tell you, Hey, where are you lately? And I'm like, I'm right here. What do you mean? No, you're not here, Adam. You're never here. I don't know where you are or where you want to be, but it's not here. And you better figure it out. And I remember when she told me that, I got so mad because I'm like, dude, I got out of the military, stopped flying Blackhawks, which was my childhood dream. So I was living a dream. Now, what's funny is you asked me what's what's one thing that's great about today or whatever in the very beginning. It's like, I'm living my dream on a level I never even knew was possible. So you never know, right? It's just funny. It's like bringing me back full circle to this moment of like you you never know what that more might look like and what really is your deepest desire in your heart. What do you truly want? But for me, anyways, I'm doing the army thing. I get out because I realize I'm losing my relationship with my my wife and daughter. And I thought if I get out, I'll be all better. I thought availability would equal presence, and I didn't, that's not true. I just made myself available. I wasn't present. She calls it out. Okay, so it's all coming together now. Okay, so here's this guy who achieved everything but doesn't have fulfillment. And how long after you separated from the military? It happened so freaking fast, like four months. Okay, yeah, yeah. It's crazy how quickly this compounds. Because, see, I was struggling when I was in when I was a company commander, but you wouldn't have really known it. I mean, there was a couple people who told me I knew something was going on with you, and I said nothing. I'm so sorry. Uh they said I had things I was going through too. And I was like, man, I don't think I even knew how bad it was. You know, I just thought this is just the way life is. You know, you keep running and and sprinting as fast as you can through life, and you want to end on E when you die. Who have you ever heard that, by the way, Martin? Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

There's a book, uh, there's a book by a guy named Todd Henry called Die Empty. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Um, if is that what you're referencing by chance, or is it I know a lot of people who say that, and I don't I mean, someone might have the right intent by saying that, like give everything you got, but dude, I'm gonna die on full. I am because I am always full now, and it's flowing out to others, and it doesn't deplete me to give to you. Right? So I live on full, I'm gonna die on full because I mean between you and I, I'm one with the one who knows all things. Yep, you know, because I already am full from you know my relationship with the Lord, and everything else is a bonus. So we're a little off track there. I apologize.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

But no, it's it's it's good uh because I feel the same way, like where when I retired, so I uh November 1st was my effective retirement date, and people started reaching out to me, like, hey, I know you're retired now. I got an opportunity for you. It's not paid, but pay basically people wanted they wanted my time. They saw my new found freedom,

Struggling with time and podcast demands

SPEAKER_01 17:42

they wanted me to use my time to accomplish their goals. And some things I'm like, oh, that sounds pretty good. The opp, you know, I could see the opportunity there, but then I'm thinking, I'm not uh keeping myself full, like I'm constantly just draining that battery and for for what? And I'm still struggling through that, you know, and it's just uh even with the podcast. I mean, I get I probably about 50 podcast requests a month where someone wants to come on my show. And and it it cost me time and money to put like to do one episode because I will read the book, I do all the research and all that stuff. So it's just kind of for me to do one episode, it's draining, but it also it's fulfilling and it fills me up at the same time because I want to do it, right? But um for the right purpose.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

So and I can bring us right back, right? So you have achievement without fulfillment, then you have availability without presence. These two combined to are you telling me not only do I feel empty, but the people around me feel like I'm not giving them enough and I have nothing left to give. And Jess is going, like, I need more from you. I need Addie, you know, our daughter now who's seven, back then she was like one or two. Adeline needs more from you, you know. And I'm going, I'm freaking trying, dude. Like, I got nothing, like I'm I'm trying to build the life that you want. You know, I'm trying to go earn, get the money. I'm trying to, you know, um reach a level of impact. To me, it was much more about impact than income. Um, I figured they were correlated, but like I want to make my life count. And I'm and I'm on, I'm doing executive coaching, I'm on podcast interviews. I had another company when I got out of the military. I started it right away because I got out February 2020. And perfect time, madam, perfect time. Yeah, dude. So I got to just get hit with it all. So, like, why do I have a unique way of expressing thought? I think because I got to see so many parts of this, yeah, to where you know it was helpful. And I also have just a lot of amazing mentors. So let's let's bring it to this. You have fulfillment, you don't have fulfillment and you don't have presence. How is this not enough? I felt so angry. Like, I'm I've given everything now, like I've given up everything, and it's not enough. So I would find myself, you know, messing up the basic things in life, like putting away groceries and time before they go bad, as you as you read about, um, or uh installing a washer without putting the drain hose in the drain. So then the washer just ran, and we look up at the can lights, and water starts dripping down from our house that's two weeks old, not knowing how to like do my daughter's

Struggling in their relationship

SPEAKER_00 20:28

hair, all these little things compounded to where, you know, I mean, Jess and I were not in the best place. We were in a terrible place, actually, and we were not the same people. So, what I'm gonna say about Jess is not a representation of who she is anymore. But I remember she said, Are you even a father? You know, like you don't even know how to do Addy's hair. And I'm like, What the heck? You know, and it was just like we were just on each other and um we're not supportive of one another. And I tried everything and nothing worked. So then to bring it to to bring it to the end, you know, I find myself getting in a f in a fight with my my wife and daughter, um, and you know, I'm walking out the the house wondering, do I come back in? Um, because I just messed up something really big, which is the small stuff actually, it just starts to feel so big. And I just get behind you know my car, um smash the gas really hard, get out, get out of the the neighborhood, um, and uh, you know, find myself and like you said, like those gravel back roads. Um, that's where I would hit it harder, actually. I didn't peel out of my house like some, you know, yeah, weird dude. It was just I would just drive away. And then as I once I was safe to I think really express how I felt, because I just suppressed everything, you wouldn't have seen me blow up. The way I'm describing this is what was going on in my head. What you would have seen in person was someone who was actually quieter and like feeling this way that I'm describing. But when I was by myself, then I could yell, then I could, you know, drive the car, listening to some limp biscuit brake stuff. Terrible song that brought out my worst. And uh I just that was it, you know. Um, and then get close to the road, uh, where it would end, and then I would smash the gas. Or sorry, I would, I would smash the brakes. Because if I would have smashed the gas, we would not be talking today. I exposed the brakes really hard, and then I would feel this adrenaline, and I'd be I'd be cursing and and screaming out to God like, what's wrong with me? And I will tell you this there was one prayer that I prayed all the time because I started to see it to be so true. Um, I would look in the mirror and just hate the person looking back at me. And uh, what's weird is like I was on like my glory days a couple months before that, right? Um, at least in the army world, and you're thinking your best days are behind you. And I remember just going, Lord, if Pharaoh can harden his heart, will you soften mine? Because I don't like my heart. And that was my prayer. I said, soften my heart, God. I don't like my heart. Um, and what I meant, what I mean by that, for anyone who like that's a little bit too deep, I just felt like I wasn't that compassionate to myself or others. I I felt like I was quick to judge, not able to connect. The person you see in front of you didn't exist a couple years ago.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Adam, you're always so insightful. And I think one of the reasons, well, why it's not I think I know, one of the reasons why I'm just just drawn to you is because it's you are articulating so many different things that I've have experienced, am experiencing, you know, things that I have going on in my head. So you talk uh you just mentioned about being compassionate to ourselves and to others. I I feel like I I am compassionate to others and I'm uh and I give people grace. I'm horrible with being compassionate with myself and giving myself grace. So for anyone else who has that same exact feeling for their own personal lack of compassion and lack of grace, what would you say to them?

The importance of giving grace

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Man, I got some stuff. All right, so I get it. The big thing is give yourself grace. So just write that down, whoever's listening, give myself grace. Because um, I think recognizing that you were given grace freely, it wasn't earned or deserved, it's just given to you. Um, that was actually a phrase Jess and I started to use in our house is we would mess something up. Like I would do the thing, like I said, like mess up groceries, right? And I'd say, instead of giving all these excuses and reasons for why it happened, um, which basically would just be justifying how we got here, I would just say, could you just give me grace? It's like in that moment, it's like a moment of surrender, like, just please give me grace. Like, I know I messed up. It's like, all right, I will for no other reason, other than the fact that you asked and I want to give it. So you got to give yourself grace to recognize you are a work in progress. I think you also have to recognize that who you are right now is not fully, you know, who you were probably created to be. Um, the world does things to us, the things we do do things to us. So you are a product also of the people in your life, the things you've experienced. And the best thing you can do is start to see what really is you and what has just been a way you've been operating, um, maybe an automation that you have set up. Uh, it could even be like maybe you're overthinking or you're hesitating or you're playing small. I don't believe you were created to do those things. So I think you've gotten to a point where maybe you've seen things, um, you've you've been trained uh a certain way to where you've allowed this to um show up as the person you think you are. So you're a you're a work in progress. Give yourself grace. And uh I'm gonna go Matthew 6.33 real quick. So Matthew, Matthew 6.33 says, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all things will be added onto you. So I remember I wanted all things, right? There was a lot of things I wanted in my life. I wanted a happy marriage, I wanted my daughter to uh want to be around me, which by the way, yes, we are there, you know, and and for a couple years now, so it's just been a total transformation. Um, I wanted to be able to share um some type of thing that would inspire others one day. I didn't know it would be this. I wanted to build a business, yeah, all these different things. So 633 says, seek first the kingdom of God. So that means we we should be prioritized, like for me as a person of faith, and and for anyone listening, if we don't share the same faith, that's all good. You can still use this principle that I'm gonna share with you, or at least maybe get a new perspective. If I'm gonna seek the kingdom of God, why is that so important? It's because the kingdom of God is where we belong, right? It's it's been the beginning of time. There was a thing called the kingdom. And um a lot of us have been taught religion, but that's actually not fully aligned. Uh, religion is man's best way to think they can get back to God. The kingdom is God's true design. We can talk about that another time, right? Offline or something. But here's the big part. And his righteousness. That's what I wanted to emphasize to you. And his righteousness. Righteousness means like right standing, right? Right standing with God or with others. It's right alignment. So his righteousness is why we belong. The kingdom is where we belong. So when you give yourself some grace, you also go, man, I need to seek his righteousness, um, recognizing that we've inherited it, just like we've inherited a fallen nature, a fallen nature. Well, now we also inherit what Christ has done, which is a righteousness nature. Um, you didn't eat from the tree, you didn't eat from the apple. Um, and yet you are, and I don't know if it's an apple, fruit, whatever, you you did not eat that, yet you have inherited something from that, from what someone else did. Well, also, you didn't go to the cross, you were not God as man. However, you did inherit what he did. Isn't this wild? So you inherited his righteousness, his right standing, um, right way of operating. Why is that so important? Because deep within you, you can become convicted

Shifting from self-criticism to growth

SPEAKER_00 28:27

in hey man, how instead of beating yourself up for the things you did, you recognize what I did is not who I am, but who he says I am is who I've always been. And and in this, you begin to think, this is the only way I know how to teach it. How would a king handle this situation right now? How would a queen handle this situation? A righteous king, a righteous queen, how would they look in the mirror right now? How would they look at this person? And it's interesting because it starts to transform the way you see. So hopefully I did that some some justice. But that that's that's truly what's helped me. And I'm just really big into teaching what I did, not what I think you should do.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Another great segment. Uh, before I've kind of you know, before we kind of transition to some other topics, I did want to go back to the achievement thing. What is the biggest pitfall for achievement? And I've heard you use this phrase before, uh, the biggest pitfall for achievement addicts.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Probably you just think like one day, if you get all the achievement, then you'll be you'll be fine, you'll have enough. So like achievement doesn't bring fulfillment, but yet you think it does. And um, you know, there's this desire of like wanting more that's not bad. I'm the same way, right? Like, I want more, I want to expand because I believe we were made to expand. However, the things we get will never fill us. They're not meant to, they're not designed for that. So if you think the next trophy, the next promotion, um, the new lifestyle is going to fulfill you, it's just not how it works. Um, probably fulfillment comes much more from contribution and alignment. Like this is who I am, and this is what I do, and I live my life fulfilled because I'm giving to others.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Yeah. Oh, I love what you said earlier. It's um, I think you said impact over income. Um, yeah, that was just something that uh stuck with me. Um, I do have some miscellaneous questions, but I do before we transition to that, I this is something that just actually popped in my head too, because it's it's more I think a lot of veterans struggle with, or just people in general, they struggle, it's not only that they want more, but they also want to feel more. And I think that's just something that is just ingrained in us into the military. You know, something I've uh you know, Navy SEALs, well, you this is actually something that you talked about in the call last summer when we first met was that Navy SEALs are only five percent of our veteran population. Um, and for people who are not Navy SEALs, a lot of times a lot of veterans feel like their story is not worth sharing. So when is it enough for us in the military? Well, and we'll say for those who are not Navy SEALs, for we'll call we'll call ourselves gin pop. So for gin pop, uh, when is it enough?

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Um,

Embracing identity beyond career

SPEAKER_00 31:20

I think we just have to get to the point of this is my story so far, and I'm gonna embrace it and leverage the areas that should be leveraged or integrate them. Um, like for me, I'm really not a Black Hawk pilot, but I did fly Blackhawks because what I did is not who I am. Because if I stopped doing it, then am I still who I am? No, right? If that's how I, if that's how I got my identity was based on a performance or a type of work. Now, it was great that I got to do it, and I love that I can continue to share it, but if it defines me, then it also limits me, right? So it's like I can't um you we can't see our time in the service as the full book that you you're one day writing about your life. It's a chapter of it, it's an important chapter for some people. Others, man, maybe it's something that you just need to move past and you have to go, hey, there's some some good lessons here, but overall, um, I don't really want this to be too front-facing. And I don't know if you're like me, man, but I I I really get annoyed of talking about my time in the service to a lot of people, like especially civilians. It just gets annoying to me really fast. Like, how long are you in? Oh, what'd you do? Oh, where'd you serve? Oh, do you do this? And I'm like, man, dude, this is exhausting. Because like you're making me think back to it, and I don't really like to me personally, it's not it's not the main thing I want to talk about, anyways. So I think everyone's a little bit different. But what I had to do is I had to go, I'm not even gonna tell people I was a Black Hawk pilot anymore. So I did that for a while. When I went through healing, I basically said, separate the military entirely from me. Who am I without it? Then what's really weird is I got to this point of like, I don't need it, and now I could bring it back and leverage it in the way I have, which

The cycle of comparison

SPEAKER_00 33:08

is what I consistently do, right? We're constantly using all these examples from survival school and flight and command and all that, because now I can see them for the lessons that they were, but they don't limit me anymore. So um I will say what you're mentioning is uh this the cycle of comparison, right? It's the third weapon of mass deception, and it's gonna constantly make you feel that you didn't do enough, you're not enough, or you don't meet the image of what was needed. And it just reminds me of this Marine that I've met who served for four years and told me he doesn't tell anyone he was a Marine because he doesn't want to let them down on what a Marine is. And I'm thinking, well, what does he think is missing from his story? And what he told me was it was a deployment, right? He never deployed. And I'm just thinking, there's people I know who deployed nine times and yet they feel the exact same thing. Yeah. So it's never gonna be enough. So how about you take the pressure off of that thing to ever be enough and just allow it to be what it is? You know, I mean, honestly, someone could get dishonorably discharged and yet they were still in the military. I don't know. Somehow they have to integrate this a little bit into their life without limiting themselves to those actions and performance.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Do you have a few more minutes? Because I do have a couple more questions, but I know I'm trying to be conscious of your time. Um, I gotta tell you this quick story. So one November, uh, so I'm still because my retirement is still so fresh, I still uh talk about it or just because it's it's still new. And for a long time, so I was an intelligence analyst for 23 years, and I used to stay away from that. I used to never mention that to anyone where I was almost just felt like because of my rank and position, it was just beaten into me, like you have to stay humble. You can't, you know. So I just I would sell myself short all the time. Whereas now I'm being more open, like, you know what, I served 23 years, and my rank, I was in the it 1% of the Air Force makes that rank, and I made it. And, you know, and I was intelligence analyst, and I feel like these all not that that defines me, but it helps show what shaped me. But so my effective retirement was one November. My retirement ceremony was May 8th of last year, so just a little over uh a winter anniversary about a week and a half ago. But I'll never forget, it was this fantastic ceremony. And just and this goes to you talking about the people asking you about your service and stuff. And um, it was this big, beautiful ceremony. I had a lot of family and friends flying. It was at the Air Force Museum, and the exhibit where it was at, it was in front of the JFK Air Force One. So it was just there's backdrop, and just this picturesque thing, right? And I don't know if you've ever been to the Air Force Museum, but when you're walking to the front, you basically have to walk kind of down this ramp. And I waited purposely until everyone left who attended my ceremony, to include my family, because I just I wanted that time for myself just to kind of process things. I'm in my service dress uniform, all that. I'm walking down this ramp, and this guy who was definitely in his 80s, possibly even 90s, stops me to come like he said, Hey, I gotta uh what's going on with my Air Force today? And he starts convincing to me about the Air Force like PT policy. And this is like right after my ceremony, and I just like this guy just stopped me because he wanted to air his grievances about his about current Air Force fitness policy. And I thought I just laughed to myself on the inside. I said, How fitting. This whole like beautiful ceremony, and just uh as I'm walking out, this guy's like, I won't, you're gonna listen to me, you know, complain about stuff, but uh, you know, so I just now there are times when people try to talk to me about certain policies and stuff in the Air Force. I'm like, dude, I'm I'm I've I'm moving on, man. I don't care about the policy and stuff. Like, I need to uh my energy is full is required elsewhere at this point. What do you like what do you want people to know about kingdom operatives? Um, yeah, what do you want to share? Because I know you have a lot going on, so what do you want to put out there?

SPEAKER_00 37:11

I mean, uh overall, right, we just believe if freedom is worth fighting for and if freedom is worth dying for, then freedom must be worth living for. And I I'm brokenhearted to see so many people who have an identity of protecting, defending, fighting, right? So, what am I describing? I'm describing protectors, defenders, warriors, healers, servants, you know, people who just they are so focused on giving their best to everyone else that they tend to lose themselves in that process. And part of their design of who they are, they need

Understanding personal freedom

SPEAKER_00 37:48

to, they need to know that, right? They need to know who they are before the world told them who to be. They need to know um who they are because it will tell them what they're meant to do, but also they can stop trying to find it in all the things that they're doing. So, like I said, I mean, this is about freedom. That's one word that I want people to take away. Freedom is worth the fight. I am free. I want other people to be free. Free is not, to me, it wasn't about like some circumstances changing of like my job or income or anything. It's about my mind. You know, my mind and and the alignment of of who I am. I just there's just a freedom. You see it in the way we move at Kingdom Operatives, right? We have a like like, I don't know, this easiness. There's no act, there's no performance. I was about to do a workshop um a few weeks ago, and someone was like, hey, there's a really big opportunity for you here, but no pressure. I said, Nope, no pressure. And they know my book really well and they knew me, and they're like, Well, you know, and and I'm like, I'm trying to think back to exactly the specifics, but the point I wanted them to take away was this isn't a performance. I don't have to get this right. I'm just sharing me, and I'm and uh what I would say is I am releasing the lessons that I've received. That's it. I've received them. Now I'm going to release them to others. So all I need to really do is be powerfully present and we're good. Now, if something pulls me away from that, yeah, like I'm I'm gonna underperform because I'm not fully present in this moment. I'm not uh that power is being diluted, like I mentioned before. I'm scattered, I'm thinking I need all these other things, which is gonna drain me. So, anyways, uh to me, freedom is worth that fight. And at Kingdom Operatives, we have a lot of different things, right? So you have kingdomoperatives.com, which will get everyone connected to our different products, right? Whether it's trainings, keynotes, workshops. It's myself and other team

Working with military communities

SPEAKER_00 39:50

members now. We mainly work with active military and veteran communities. Um, we are working with you know active military installations, we're working on strategic advisory, cultural even levels, which is amazing, because we want to make sure we really get this right. Because I think you're gonna see, I know, I know you will see a decrease in the suicide count because people will not get to the point of losing their sense of who they are. People always say, I lost my identity. I just think you didn't know it. Once you know your identity, you can't lose it, right? So you lost your sense of identity, you lost what you believe was your identity, but let's get that right. So then we also have a school community. Um, so schoolsk o l dot com slash kingdom operatives. That's a great way to connect with me and my team. Totally free. We have a lot of different um opportunities in there. Then we have courses and programs, um, leadership development workshops for those people who that makes sense. And uh I'm working on a comic book. Nice. Yeah, I don't know if I told you that. Yeah, um, I want to be able to display the mental health struggle for what it really is through comic. So I'm not the I'm not the you know, the artist on this one, just a visionary, but very excited about that as well.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

God, that's great. That's great, man. Just two wrap-up questions. If there was a giant billboard with your picture on it for uh your handsome picture on it for the world to see, what would you want your billboard to say and where would you want it to be located?

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Ooh, continue mission. Where would I want it to be located?

SPEAKER_01 41:28

I have a recommendation in if you can't think anything.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

What's your recommendation?

SPEAKER_01 41:32

Heinzfield or the Steelers play.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Oh, okay, okay. Heinzfield, that's awesome. Um, let's do it. That sounds good to me. I like it.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

I published episode 100 on November 6th of last year. My wife was actually my my special guest. She was my surprise guest that no one predicted. Uh, but since that episode, I've started a tradition where I want to pass the torch between episode and guest. So, what's a question or a quote I can use in a future episode? Or a question that I can ask. And I don't know who the it's what guess it'll be or what episode.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

Um, let's go with what life do you want to be remembered for living?

SPEAKER_01 42:10

It's almost like uh like a Lewis Hallis, the way he kind of ends his uh Skull of Greatness podcast. He always asks people like what's you know, if you what sentence would you know want to be remembered for? So that's that's good.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

I like that. I tried, you know, put me on the spot. I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_01 42:29

Not right on. Adam, thank you so much, man, for just being on my podcast. And this is only part one. I mean, I I hope that we have uh future conversations. I there's so many other things we didn't talk about, but I know that just leaves room for for more episodes in the future till we can just uh dive um just deeper and just into so many different things. But man, I just uh I appreciate you so much,

Building excitement for a mission

SPEAKER_01 42:52

man.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Oh, 100%, man. Looking forward to it, buddy. Let's go. Continue mission.