Ep. 130: 25 Lessons after 130 episodes of Passing The Torch Podcast

All right, all right. I decided to go live uh for this episode. This will most likely be episode 130. Uh it's Friday, May 1st, whereas my good man Justin Timberlake uh Justin Timberlake says it's gonna be May. I don't know. That was kind of bad, but I do celebrity impressions though that are much better. Um so the purpose of this episode is I just want to just take lessons learned. I've been wanting to do this for a while, but I just kept getting booked with other guests in other episodes. Basically, I started I did this after episode 100, just compiled a list of lessons learned from the past over eight and a half uh over eight years of podcasting, and now over 100 episodes. I just took about 20 uh looked for common themes and basically boiled it down to 25 lessons learned from the podcasting after speaking with top military leaders, high performers in the entrepreneur worlds, business leaders, obviously, um family members, dear friends, mentors, professional athletes, just a lot of people I've interacted with on a personal uh daily basis and through my podcast. A lot of lessons learned. So, again, just wanted to uh just share that. So let me get my notes. And this is my first time, or I'm doing this on live, so I'm not sure how this is working. We shall see. But you got to do it sometimes, right? You just gotta try new things. And uh I can read about it all day, but for me, the best way for me to learn is just do actual application. All right, so this is take three. I've tried two uh other takes uh thus far. All right, so here we go. What 100 conversations taught me about life and leadership, 100 plus conversations. Before I started this podcast, there was something I couldn't quite explain. Is it was this feeling that conversation conversations mattered more than we realize. I remember being only 11 years old when my dad died from a brain tumor. Uh, he was only only 51 at that time. And I I say only 51 because now that I'm 44 currently, 51 to me, I realize, is such a young age. But at that age, you don't fully understand what's what's happening when I was 11 and even now in my adulthood, but you feel the absence. You feel the silence that follows when someone important is suddenly gone. And one thing I've thought about many times since then is this what conversations did I never get to have with my dad? What questions did I never get to ask him? Uh, what lessons did he carry that never got passed forward? My my parents also got divorced when I was five. So yeah, just a lot of what questions. And those those thoughts have stayed with me through through that time from when I was 11 years old to August 31st of 1993 is when he passed away. My birthday's in November, so I turned 12 shortly after. But but since August 31st of 1993 to present day, um, those thoughts have stayed with me. Uh years later, I joined the military and spent more than uh two decades serving. I joined because of 9-11. Um, a lot of people were enlisting during that time or joining the military, so I was actually in the delayed entry program for over a year. So while I enlisted in uh September 2001, I actually did not leave for basic training as part of the delayed entry program for over 14 months, and I left in November 2002. I actually had to go to MEPS twice because something expired because I was waiting for so long, but it all worked out. But yeah, obviously years later I joined the military, spent more than two decades, 23 years. My daughter did the math. It's like 52 or 53% of my life, or something like that, is how much I spent in the military. During that time, I worked with incredible people, leaders, teammates, mentors, people who carried a tremendous amount of wisdom earned through experience. And I started noticing something. Some of the most important lessons in life are rarely written down. Uh, that they are passed through conversations, stories, through someone taking the time to sit down and say, here's something I learned the hard way. So in January of 2018, early January of 2018, I started recording conversations. At that time, I didn't even have a name for my podcast. And my very first episode was with General John Jumper, retired in the United States Air Force. He was the 17th Air Force Chief of Staff, four-star general. So he was the highest-ranking military member in the Air Force. But again, I didn't have a name, a strategy, zero audience. Uh, just a microphone. As a matter of fact, it was a blue Yeti microphone. And I would set it up on uh like a TV tray and put a shoebox on top of this TV tray and set up my laptop on that with my microphone and that tower recorded. No video at that time, only audio, but just a microphone inside my clothes closet. And the curiosity of searching for something that I could not find in the present, I want to say that again. I've been asked quite a few times, and over the past probably eight months or so, I've been a guest on quite a few podcasts. And I one question I often get asked is why did you start the podcast? It's simple because I was searching for something I could not find in the present. Uh, since then, I've had more than 100 long form conversations with veterans, again, athletes, authors, leaders, and everyday people doing extraordinary things. And after all those conversations, certain truths keep or kept showing up. No matter the background, no matter the profession, no matter the life story, the same lessons kept surfacing. So, in case you missed the first part, uh, I want to share those 25 lessons I've learned from hosting passing the torch. Uh, not because I've mastered them, but because they keep showing up in the lives of people who are trying to grow, evolve, lead, and live with purpose. Uh, for the first, and what I did is I broke up the lessons into certain categories um just to kind of help organize it. And that's just that's just how I do things. But uh the first group of lessons, the theme is overall just growth and discipline. And these are again the different subjects, but I kept noticing or repeated over and over. Uh, growth is a lifelong pursuit, uh, not a finish line. I forget what the exact phrase is, right? But it's it's a marathon, not a sprint. And I've I wish I'd have learned that or understood that earlier in my life. I think a lot of people get caught up. Now, granted, you want to do as much as you can when you can, because we don't know how long we have to live on this earth, but um it's important to just keep that in mind. Growth is a lifelong pursuit, not a finish line. Don't feel like you have to do everything before you're 50. Every guest who is doing something meaningful has understood this. And the moment you think you arrived, you have arrived. You've uh you have stopped evolving. And I know for me, I feel like I'm just scratching the service surface. I'm only getting started. I think for people who who feel have arrived or that they personally have arrived, that's a big mistake. And I I personally wouldn't um do that. If you haven't done so already, please follow, like, subscribe. That goes such a long way in helping me uh try to grow this podcast, continue growing this podcast. All right, again. So, again, the moment you think you've arrived, you have stopped evolving. Um, the people I admire the most are always learning, always adjusting, always curious. Um, which actually leads to the second lesson. Confidence is built, not given. Confidence does not appear out of thin air. I don't care what the movies say or what 30-second inspirational clip you see on social media. Again, confidence does not appear out of thin air. It's built through uh repetition, through preparation, through experience, through showing up again and again. Most confident people were once extremely unsure of themselves. They just kept moving forward anyway. And that's a big difference between I think people who are not confident versus confident. Lesson three, resilience is trained through adversity. Nobody volunteers for hardship. I certainly, if you would have told me all the things I experienced in my career, if you would have told me back in 2001, hey, if you join, here's the exact everything that's going to happen to you, to include the hardships, you still want to go. I'm like, no, I don't want to experience that. I'm not going to voluntarily experience uh walk into that. So I'm glad I didn't know, but I'm glad it happened. I wouldn't have changed anything. But yeah, it's it's I shouldn't say nobody volunteers for hardship. There are some cases where people they do volunteer for the hardship because they're they're fulfilled or compelled with a sense of pride. But just all the different things I experienced, you know, my time in Hawaii 2018 through 2020, definitely the roughest times of my career, um, aside from COVID uh in 2020, but just felt abandoned by a lot of people, let down by people who are not leaders but were in leadership positions. But if you would have told me years ago, you're gonna experience this. I'm like, no, I'm gonna avoid that at all costs, but I'm glad everything happened the way it did because it only made me stronger. But the people who grow the most are often the ones who went through the hardest seasons. One of my favorite quotes is we don't grow despite the storm, we grow because of the storm. So if you want to what's the iron sharp sharpens iron, if you want to just level up, you want to become better and stronger in order to help someone else, you need to go. There's there's some beauty and hardship that'll continue to build you. But if you're willing to learn from it, it becomes one of the greatest teachers uh you'll ever have. Lesson four is discipline creates freedom. This one shows up constantly. We often think freedom, freedom means doing whatever we want, but in reality, freedom usually comes from structure and discipline. The discipline to train, the discipline to learn, the discipline to show up and motivation disappears. I think people grew tired or are growing tired of the word discipline. They shouldn't. It's just they have a misunderstanding of discipline. Discipline is more than just waking up at four o'clock every day and just crushing that workout. There's discipline with just certain habits, certain attitudes, mindsets, skill sets, attributes. Um to me, that's what uh defines uh discipline. Lesson five, consistency beats intensity over time. Almost every successful person I've spoken with, even offline, not even associated with the podcast, but just through random at conferences or interactions throughout life, all of them have this sort of philosophy. They didn't rely on bursts of motivation. They relied on showing up again and again and again. Small, consistent efforts compounds in ways we often underestimate. There is no substitute for volume. There's no substitute for getting reps. Whatever you're trying to get world class at, you need to do more reps than you think you need to do. Which leads to lesson six small habits compound into massive outcomes, outcomes. Most success stories are not overnight. We see the overnight success. And while there have been people who exploded overnight or achieved fame in a short amount of time, it's rare that it's been long lasting. There are two people who started podcasts within the past four years on the national scene, not anything to do with the veteran, military veteran uh community or professional development, but just people who just hit lightning or capture lightning in a bottle, their podcast blew up in a good way, and then within a year, they're forgotten about. So the ones, the people who've been the most successful are the ones who started small and just kept slowly, slowly, slowly building up. I get asked people all the time, people ask me all the time, how do you get this guess? How do you get that guess? Or where do you come up with these questions? Well, I've published 130 episodes of my podcast, but I've recorded more than that. I don't publish every episode that I record. I've also been podcasting. I had a sports podcast before I started this one. So I've been podcasting since 2014. But um, and I don't feel like I'm anywhere near being a success, but I've been consistent and it's helped me grow. The podcasters that I follow, their episode catalog is in the deep hundreds, and they've been doing it for over 10 years. But throughout those years, they're built through, it's a lot of small daily decisions that have led to this monster success that they do have. Um when you zoom out far enough, those small habits become life-changing uh outcomes. One of my something else I'd like to remind myself of is we are responsible for our effort, not the outcome. So again, we are responsible for our effort, not the outcome. All right, the next themes for lessons is about leadership. Um, that's the central focus of this next couple. Um leader lesson number seven is leadership is not not about leadership is about service, not status. The best leaders I've met aren't focused on being in charge. They are focused on taking care of people. They understand that leadership is a responsibility. That's a big one because a lot of people can't separate their title from who they are. Who they are is their title. And I think it's important for leaders to be able to differentiate between the two, which segues into lesson eight. Titles don't make leaders do, uh titles don't make leaders actions do. I've seen so many people who introduced themselves even years after they've separated from the military or retired, they still introduce themselves by their rank. It's important for people just to stay humble. Your actions are going to say more than your actual title. Um, some of the best and most incredible leaders I've ever met and served with had no formal title. Um, and I've also met people with impressive titles, a lot of certifications, doctorates who didn't lead anyone well, and some of the most incompetent people I've ever met in my life. But just something to keep in mind. Uh, leadership shows up in behavior and how you treat people and uh whether people trust you. Lesson nine, humility strengthens influence. The most respected people I've interviewed rarely talk about themselves in grand ways. They are humble, they give credit to others, they listen more than they talk. And ironically, the humility often increases their influence. That's a good one. Yeah. I once I went to within the past couple years, I went to an event and the guest speaker spent the entire 45 minutes just talking about their upbringing and just everything about and all their accomplishments. And it was one of the most boring speeches I've ever heard. And someone who I previously kind of looked up to, but then once I heard them speak and just brag about themselves for 45 minutes, it was just a huge turn off. Stay humble, give credit to others, listen more than you uh the best leaders, listen more than they talk. Um yeah, and humility definitely has a strong potential to increase uh your influence. Lesson 10 purpose fuels purpose perseverance. A little tongue twister. Purpose fuels perseverance. When someone has a strong sense of purpose, they can endure a lot. Uh the setbacks, the failure, the long seasons of uncertainty. Purpose gives people the strength to keep going when things get hard. So that's how I define purpose. All right, moving on to the next themes of uh for lessons. It's about identity and personal story. Then so lesson 11: identity matters more than accolades. Uh, achievements come and go, but who you are at your core matters more. Your character, your values, uh, your integrity. Those things last much longer than any trophy or title. Kind of ties into some past lessons where we have to let go of our past. It's important to remember things that helped us get here, but if we're clinging on to past roles, past success, past titles, that stuff's gonna fade away at some point. Uh, lesson 12 is you can rewrite your story at any point. This is a tough lesson for me, and I have to realize I can't let past trauma continue to define me. Um, you know, every day has is a possibility to, if you're in a rut, every day is a possibility to start that next, to turn the page and start that next chapter. Uh I've spoken with guests who completely reinvented themselves after failure, after loss, after major life transitions. Your past shapes you, but it does not have to define your future. Don't let failure define you, rather use it as a tool to build and refine you. I'm gonna say that again because I used to say that quote a lot. Don't let failure define you. Rather, use it as a tool to build and refine you. Lesson 13. Fear shrink. Fear shrinks. Uh fear shrinks when you take action. Fear often grows when we sit still because we're idle minds. That's dangerous. We kind of get upset or all worked up about conversations, these made-up conversations and thoughts in our head, things that never happened or will happen, but we imagine they'd happen and it just creates a lot of fear. So again, fear shrinks when you take action and often grows when we sit still. When we overthink, we imagine worst-case scenarios. But the moment you start taking action, fear begins to lose its grip. Movement creates momentum. All right, lesson 14. Vulnerability is a form of courage. I love this because I've often I've said for years, even before Brene Brown made it popular, I said this before that. Uh, vulnerability is more than how much you can lift in the gym. Or sorry, strength is more than how much you can lift into the gym. It's just strength can also be tied to vulnerability. Uh, open up. Um, it's a way to connect with people. You know, some of the most powerful moments in my podcast have happened when guests were willing to be honest, to talk about struggle, failure, the things that shaped them, the kind of vulnerability that requires courage, but it also creates connection. It's about connection, not perfection. So again, it's about connection, not perfection. Lesson 15, and these next couple are gonna just talk about relationships mentorship accelerates growth. Um, mentorship's a two-way street. It's not just one way, but mentorship is a must. Um, almost every successful person I've spoken with had someone who helped guide them. No one can do this on their own. Anyone who says they've done it on their own, on their own, is a flat out liar. No one is the lone wolf, even though that's very popular and people like to portray themselves as that. We all had someone along the way. If you're successful, and success can be defined in a multitude of ways, but we all had someone help us in some form or fashion. A coach, a mentor, a leader who took the time to invest in them. Mentorship shortens the learning curve. Lesson 16, the people you surround yourself with matter. That's a tough one. Well, it's not a tough one, but it's well, I've had to cut a lot of people out of my life over the past 10 years or so. People I may stay in contact with, but I don't give them access to my personal life as much as at all anymore. Where I I truly understand it's about the quality, not the quantity. Um, because I you you are impacted by those you surround yourself with. Um, your environment quietly shapes your future. I love that someone say it again. Your environment quietly shapes your future, your friends, your teammates, your mentors, the people around you influence how you think and what you believe is possible. All right, moving on to the themes, the theme of adversity and transition. Lesson 17: transitions aren't comfortable, but necessary. Growth almost always requires transition, leave leaving something behind, starting something new, stepping into the unknown. And the process is rarely comfortable. If it is comfortable, maybe it's not, you're not growing. Lesson 18, failure is a teacher if you're willing to listen. Failure is not the opposite of success. Often it's part of the process, but the key is whether you're willing to learn from it. And I think there's a difference between being a failure and failing. You can there's again, there's a difference between failing and failure. A lot of times people misdiagnose or misidentify themselves as being a failure. Like you are not a failure. You have worth, you are success. Maybe you weren't great at something. And I have to tell myself this because the toughest conversations I often have are with myself, and many people, the toughest conversations they have are often with themselves. If you're not great at something or something's not going your way, you're just failing at it for the time. You keep going at it, keep working at it, it will eventually lead to success. But again, there's a difference between being a failure and failing. So don't be so hard on yourself. Uh, lesson 19 hard seasons reveal true character. When life gets difficult, our real character shows up. It's easy to say all the things when things are going well. But when times are tough, that's when the real character shows up. Adversity has a way of revealing who we really are. I referenced my favorite quote earlier: we grow despite the storms. We grow uh because of the storms, not despite the storms. Uh, lesson 20, discipline in private shows up in public. You know, the work we're doing behind the scenes for we see people in, for example, who have these amazing, they've worked hard at their uh their skill, professional athletes or the speakers on stage, or people who have these complete body transformations. We see them on a stage or on a field or on a court. We don't see the 4 a.m. wake up time to work out or to practice their speech. We don't see them, the speaker speaking, rehearsing their speech a hundred times in their living room or speaking into a mirror. Uh so again, just discipline in private shows up in public. Uh, the preparation nobody sees, the effort nobody applauds. That's what eventually shows up uh on the stage. Lesson 21 Curiosity keeps you evolving. The most interesting people I've interviewed are endlessly curious. They read, they ask questions, they explore ideas, and more, they explore ideas outside of their bubble. Uh curiosity keeps people growing long after others stop. All right, just wrapping up the final group of lessons is about service and legacy. Lesson 22. Uh serve others without keeping score. Some of the most impactful people I've simply I've met simply focus on helping others, not for recognition, not for reward, but because they believe it matters. Don't be transactional, be genuine and sincere. Whether you realize it or not, people can see right through the uh if you're being transactional. So again, don't keep score, just serve others. Lesson 23, legacy is built through people, not achievements. At the end of the day, people rarely remember our accomplishments. They remember how we made them feel, how we helped them, how we helped them, how we showed up. Uh, lesson 24, teach what you once needed to learn. You know, that's one of the main reasons I started this podcast is there was a troubled time. I there was probably a seven-year time in my career where I felt just like a nomad. I didn't have any direction or any positive leadership examples. But I wanted to and I was getting mad at things I couldn't control. Then I started focusing on what I could control uh control. Then I realized, you know, mentorship's about, it's more than that Monday morning raw, rah, raw speech, mentorship and leadership. It's about taking those lessons learned from past experiences and using that to shape those around us, those within our sphere of influence. One of the most powerful ways to help others is to share the lessons you learned the hard way. Your struggle may become someone else's guidance. And finally, lesson 25. Passing the torch is the highest form of leadership. Uh, sharing what you've learned, encouraging the next person, helping others go farther than you did. Uh, the overall meta lesson is that after more than 100 conversations, if there's one lesson that I've learned, it's this we grow faster and farther when we share what we've learned. Wisdom compounds when it's shared. Conversations and connections accelerate growth. This podcast started with curiosity and the search for something I could not find in the present. But over time it became something uh deeper, a place where stories are shared, uh, where lessons are passed forward, where one person's experience might help someone else navigate their path. Um, and that's what really passing the torch is all about learning, sharing, identity, connection, and purpose. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. And finally, remember vision, relate, develop. Take care, everyone, foster out.